


Bejewelled tentacles hung by the chimney with care

by HiddenLacuna



Category: Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft, The Night Before Christmas - Clement Clarke Moore
Genre: Christmas, Disturbing Themes, Gen, Gore, Violence, the inevitability of death in a horrific universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 17:52:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenLacuna/pseuds/HiddenLacuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A violent and gory mash-up of A Visit From St. Nicholas (The Night Before Christmas) and HP Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos. </p><p>Bewildered incredulity is probably the appropriate reaction to be having here. I know I am.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bejewelled tentacles hung by the chimney with care

**Author's Note:**

> So, I saw these extremely awesome [tentacle Christmas stockings](https://www.facebook.com/NerdBirdCraftings/posts/545554992201280) on Tumblr, and all of a sudden, my brain was like "hey, why not write a disturbing mash-up of Lovecraft and the Night Before Christmas?" And it was 4am, so that sounded like a spiffing idea.

'Twas a night like all others, when throughout the house  
not one creature risked stirring, not even a mouse.  
Bejewelled tentacles hung by the chimney with care,  
in hopes that the Elder God might our lives spare.

The children were huddled far under their beds,  
while visions of sacrifice screamed through their heads.  
And mamma with her blood-runes, and I with my knife,  
were just hoping to survive the long winter night.

When from under the lawn there arose such a howling,  
I sprang from the bed, where I'd spent hours cowering.  
Away to the window I flew like a flash,  
tore the nails from the shutters and unbarred the sash.

The moon o'er the shroud of the crop-killing snow  
gave the lustre of deadness to objects below  
when, what to my horrified eyes should appear,  
but a dreadful bone sleigh, and some eight-legged "reindeer".

Such a hideous driver, I shudder to tell you,  
I knew in a moment it must be Cthulhu.  
More rapid than corpseflies his coursers they came,  
and he gibbered, and shouted, and cursed them by name!

"Now Crusher! Now, Killer! Now, Putrid and Poison!  
On, Strangler! On, Vomit! On Rotten and Noisome!  
Be you cruel without mercy! May the dead round us fall!  
Now murder them! Murder them! Murder them all!"

As dry bones that after plague-spread multiply,  
and with no grave to take them, do mount to the sky,  
so up to the house-top the abominations flew,  
with the sleigh full of horrors, and dead Cthulhu too.

And then, with sick dread, I now heard on the roof  
the sucking and squirming of each profane hoof.  
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,  
down the chimney fell Cthulhu with a deafening sound.

He was draped all in entrails, from his crown to his claws,  
and his rags were encrusted with the runoff from sores.  
A bundle of bones he had slung 'cross his back.  
My pitiful knife raised, I tried to attack.

His eyes-how they were sunken! His corneas cloudy!  
His unspeakable tentacles roaming upon me!  
His dark, beaked maw gaped like a unto a chasm,  
and my eyes they did bulge as I started to spasm.

The stump of my nose disappeared through his teeth,  
and he savoured the blood like a treasure bequeathed.  
His tentacles tore and plunged into my belly,  
and I saw my guts fall like a spilled bowlful of jelly!

My skin did he rend, my bones he did break,  
and I screamed for my family to not join in my fate!  
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,  
soon gave me to know that I had all to dread.

He spoke not a word as he finished his meal,  
he sucked out my marrow with terrible zeal.  
And discarding my body upon the cold floor,  
He stood, dripping, above me, and let out a roar.

He oozed back to his sleigh, to his team gave a scream,  
and below they returned, to their eternal dead dream.  
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere I bled out that night,  
"I'll return for your children, and also your wife."

**Author's Note:**

> I am also aware that this is terrible.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [12 Days of Tentacle!lock Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8728783) by [okapi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/okapi/pseuds/okapi)




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